Resolutions, cont.

Ok, so never again will I draft a blog entry in Flickr - just poured my heart out, only to have it give me a "D'oh!" message and tell me to try again later. 
I'll try to keep it to the point. Baking is unnatural for me. I am cook by nature. I like, and to a degree, need the freedom to play, improvise, substitute for what I don't have and change my game plan altogether. Baking does not afford one this luxury. It's more of a disciplined art, which makes it, well, a lot of WORK. However, something that requires so much effort is also that much greater an expression of love and gratitude for whomever your recipients are. For this and other reasons, I resolve to bake more. And I did. This morning. With my 2-year-old. 


Jacob has this Learning Tower (I love it - sometimes) that allows him to get right in the middle of the action. When I want him to help me in the kitchen, I pull the Learning Tower up to the sink and we rock out. He has a habit of turning on the faucet full-blast and pouring water every which way. This really, really tests my patience. However, in keeping with my resolutions to be a better mom, I included him in today's baking adventure. He loves to pour, spill and mix - so I would measure out dry and wet ingredients, and help him pour them all into mixing bowls. This was a good exercise for me - I was tested, many times, to keep my perspective, maintain my good humor and patience...SMILE. And also, embrace the chaos. My shining moment of accomplishment was when we were loading the finished (phew!) batter into the muffin tin. I handed him a metal spoon, then switched it out for a wooden spoon, thinking that metal will damage the teflon coating. One potential disaster avoided. It turned out to be pointless because the wooden spoon never made it to the tin - Jacob took a nice-sized glob of orange, lumpy batter and dumped it into his Learning Tower, right on his little bare foot. Splat! 


Here was my first moment of glory - I LAUGHED. Thank you, God, for letting me see the humor in this moment!! I let out a great, big belly laugh which in turn made Jacob laugh! Then the dog came over and helped with the mess, which made it funnier. Jacob gladly helped mop up the remaining batter with a sponge. That kept him busy long enough for me to finish loading the tin and put it in the oven. Sixteen and a half minutes later came my second moment of glory - the muffins were PERFECT! No burnt bottoms!! 


I am including the recipe at the end of this posting, but I have just a bit more to say about my little journey of personal growth. It's HARD. I realize that I'm approaching "broken record" territory - but I have to say that I am challenged constantly by my beautiful, adorable, 2-year-old caveman to refrain from reacting when my buttons are pushed. I remind myself that this behavior has nothing to do with ME - the kid is doing exactly what he should be doing - which is exploring and testing the limits of his world. I want more than ANYTHING to be the kind of mom who exudes grace, humor and gentleness throughout these challenging moments! I know women like this, and they are my heroes. I strive every day to be more like them. I have so much more work to get to that point, but I can and will get there. I will do it for my family, for my friends, and most importantly for myself. One muffin at a time. :) 


This recipe was adapted from the "Applesauce Multigrain Muffins" recipe found on the label of Country Choice Organic Multi Grain Hot Cereal. Since the product is organic, the original recipe calls for all ingredients to be organic, as well. I use as many organic ingredients as I have on hand, but it's your choice. 


Another reason why I love this recipe is that I successfully substituted Jacob's carrot-apple baby food for unsweetened applesauce. I am so not a "baker."


Jen's Carrot Apple Muffins


1 Cup Country Choice Organic Multigrain Hot Cereal (uncooked)
1.5 Cups flour
1 tsp. baking powder
0.5 tsp. baking soda
0.5 tsp. ground cinnamon
2 packages Trader Joe's Apple Carrot fruit sauce Crushers OR 1 Cup unsweetened applesauce
0.5 Cup fat-free or low-fat milk
0.5 Cup brown sugar
0.25 Cups sunflower or canola oil
1 egg


1. Preheat the oven to 400F degrees. Line twelve-muffin tin with baking cups or lightly oil bottoms of cups. 
2. Combine dry ingredients - oats, flour, baking powder, baking soda and cinnamon. 
3. In a separate bowl, combine "wet" ingredients - applesauce or fruit sauce, milk, brown sugar, oil and egg. 
4. Combine wet and dry ingredients and stir just until the dry ingredients are moistened. 
5. Spoon batter into muffin tin and bake for 18-20 minutes.*
6. Test with a knife, and if the knife is clean, remove from the oven and transfer muffins out of the tin to a basket too cool. Serve soon after baking or freeze for later! 


* My oven usually runs 20 degrees too hot, so I have to start checking them after 15 minutes. They were perfectly done today in 16.5 minutes! 

First Passover seder - sort of

So the way that all of this came about is complicated, unless you are of the opinion that different religions can be combined to serve the same basic purposes. After Palm Sunday service at Grace Cathedral, I was inspired, or maybe "pushed" is more like it, to do some inward-looking and honest assessing of how I am doing as a wife, a mother and a person. Long story short, I was in denial about a lot of areas in need of improvement. Becoming a better person - really evolving beyond what feels comfortable and familiar - is HARD. It requires a lot of attention to detail, monitoring minute behaviors, and constantly reminding oneself of the valuable lessons learned. Fortunately, if I am successful, the payoff will be incalculably good. So in the spirit of spring renewal, I got inspired to pull together my first Passover seder for my family. 


I had NO IDEA how involved it would be - once I started the research, spending the entirety of my son's nap reading Wikipedia articles and information from the Marin JCC web site (which is awesome), I knew that I would need days more time than I had to execute. I opted instead for a pared-down version (like, seriously pared down) which included this lovely jar of Ready to Serve Matzo Ball Soup! I want to say that Manischewitz does a spectacular job - not that I am a connoisseur of Jewish food - but the most impressive feature was the broth, flavorful yet obviously low in sodium. So I could serve it to my kid by the barrel - and he slurped it right up, except for the vegetables. 


The matzo ball soup was really the only thing that was Jewish about the whole meal, but I incorporated other traditional elements. I know from reading about Friday Shabbat dinner that families are supposed to use the best china, crystal, silverware, etc. they have to honor the special occasion. I had to dig to the WAY back of my kitchen cabinets to get at all of this stuff, still packed in travel boxes, and far out of reach of the Kid. But I am so glad I did - looking at the sparkly glasses and silky-smooth wedding china on the table, I thought of my wonderful friends and relatives who were and are so generous with their time and resources. We poured wine with dinner, and read about the Four Cups of wine and what they symbolize. I lit candles, and you're supposed to say special blessings as they are lighted, but Peter didn't remember the blessings. I served undressed butter lettuce because I read that one of the traditional foods is a bitter herb or vegetable, symbolizing the bitterness of slavery. I crunched on a few undressed leaves during the main course to taste the bitterness; for the salad course, I drizzled on some yuzu citrus dressing. Yes, Japanese dressing. You're getting the idea that the rest of the meal suddenly departs to a bizarre, culinary "left field." 


I had this image of beef brisket cooked with tomato paste in my head. I had made brisket once, and it was a fatty, messy, bland failure. I imagine that it would taste great when cooked low and slow with tomato paste - so adding leftover hayashi sauce (yes, Japanese again) which has tomato paste as its base, was my quick-and-dirty solution. I didn't have any brisket, but I had some Prather Ranch beef sirloin tips on hand. I seared those, left the juices in the pan, added olive oil and sherry, then sauteed some portabella mushrooms in all of that. TASTY!!  The hayashi sauce just brought all of this to a new level, and I only needed a little bit in the end.  


Naturally, I had to serve this saucy concoction with rice, which, while not "leavened," is also not in keeping with the Passover meal, either. In fact, you're supposed to rid your entire house of all leavened bread, rice and beans! Yeah, I didn't do that. I did have the presence of mind not to serve shrimp at the Passover meal - this delicious, garlicky shrimp salad that I got from Costco - we're having it tonight. Instead, I steamed some artichokes - and I think the mayonnaise I served them with was kosher...OK so it WASN'T kosher, but at least it was preservative-free. 


After letting the sirloin tips rest, I sliced them up...man, I wanted to eat them just as they were, they looked so good! It looked like tataki, which is seared meat served partially raw. It reminded me of gorgeous slices of sashimi. Just to be safe, I threw them back in the pan with the sauce and cooked them SLOWLY and gently. Beef sirloin tip gets tough very quickly, so I think it's best to err on the not-that-done side of things, and buy from guys like Prather Ranch. I can't take any credit for the hayashi sauce (my friend Hiroko is a culinary genius), but MAN it was tasty. Oh, then for dessert......this unbelievable chocolate raspberry cake with dark chocolate shavings on the top. It came from Polly Ann Bakery in Novato. Ridiculously good. I served it with Peets decaf coffee. I drink mine black now, and the contrast between the bitter coffee and the sweet cake is pure pleasure. Japan taught me to appreciate that. In tea ceremony, you drink bitter matcha with a small confection that's off-the-charts sweet. Frothing it with the bamboo whisk cuts some of the bitterness so it's smooth, and only slightly astringent. The contrast between the bitter, frothy matcha and the little jewel of sweetness...sends me into orbit every time. 


But I digress. How long is this posting, anyway?? To sum things up, I was looking for a way to express a few sentiments at once - resolution to be a better person, gratitude for my family, especially my ever-understanding husband, and the hope and joy that springtime, Passover and Easter bring to us each year, whether we practice those religions or not.  Altogether, our "Passover" dinner felt beautiful, and in its own way, sacred. 




First passover seder - sort of, a photo by js_hale on Flickr.