done

it's over. devin and I are officially done. i was numb when I broke up with him yesterday. Today it hurts more. I feel like it's the right thing to move on, though. I hope I'm right. so many reasons why it will be an uphill battle in the long term, and I don't want my life to be an uphill battle. I thought bac k to the 'vacation' camping trip that Devin and I took to Big Sur - we hiked 10 miles uphill in the June heat - he HAD to go on a weekday because he hates crowds, so I took off work. everything is a chore, nothing is ever easy. What's more, we struggle to communicate constantly - there is hardly ever a moment where we can anticipate each other's thoughts, conclusions, or motivations. Five years later, we know each other so well but we can't work together. I figure, if it's this way 5 years in, it will be this way ad infinitum. it may be the right thing in the long rn, but i'm just sad. very sad.

the end...?

The sun has come out in San Francisco. This new year is off to a very rocky start. Relationships are complicated. All you can do is to look into your heart, see what you really want and try not to be afraid of it.

baby brother

Dad was playing around with a new scanner and obviously found one of Pat's more embarassing (but soooo cuuuuuute!) pictures. With all the women's clothing that he was made to wear as a kid (I put him in my ballet tu-tu's and once, I even made him wear my one-piece Wonder Woman swimsuit), it's amazing that he's straight.

i had to post this

a day in the life... it looks like the person who wrote this used Altavista to translate japanese to english - just to give folks an idea of what I have to deal with on occasion. mind you, it's by my own choice - I was too lazy to write in Japanese, so this is the tradeoff....
"Thank you very much for answering a letter. Serious I am sorry. Since the mistake occurred by guidance of a single charge, please let me correct. By my misapprehension, the single room is considered to be only one room and I had guided the charge.At the present charge, its one room serves as [ other two rooms ] another charge and is better, Although a mistake does not occur -- please come out and understand the situation usually, Since clumsiness had my guidance by ￥13,860 this time, how is it in ￥11,550? I need your help well. Although it is a check, what does payment become? Please reply.Although it is not explanation only by the wish, I need your help well."

big fat greek dinner

this was my dinner at MYKONOS. I ate about half of this dish, called "Keftedes" - Greek meatballs. Mmmmmm.

WHAT TO DO.....どうしよう？？

I love my work. I love working at home. And I love navigating people thru Japan, smoothing out logistics and shaping trips into amazing experiences. To me, THAT is noble and meaningful - THAT is worthwhile! BUT...I do not love watching my savings dwindle, wondering how, when and by whom I will get paid again. I do not like waiting at the cash register, wondering if I have enough in my account to cover the groceries I've purchased. As my little company grows, my nerves are fraying. I'm faced with a choice - sell out for a steady paycheck or...write a business plan and go for it. や～。。。どうしよう！！

GRUB!!!!

I can't NOT make ham & black-eyed peas on New Year's Day -
after all the rich holiday food, it's the perfect meal.

GRUB!!!!

I can't NOT make ham & black-eyed peas on New Year's Day -
after all the rich holiday food, it's the perfect meal.

New Year's

Devin invited ME to church on New Year's. :D

Fun at the alligator farm - I was pleased to see that some things haven't changed too much. The same tortoises and spider monkeys that were living here when I was 8 yrs. old are still here today! Misty has a pass which allows them to go whenever they want - I'm jealous!

Misty and her kids, Evan and Ellie. Mist and I have been friends since I was 3. I love being around all of them - Misty is an amazing mother and Devin calls the kids "golden balls," referring to Robert Bly's symbol of innocence, purity and unbridled joy. I could not agree more.

pink room

This is the room of my oppressed youth. I never had much say in how it was decorated. All these pictures were carefully arranged by my mother - I think of it as a shrine to the daughter she wishes she'd had, or the GIRL (I will never be a woman whom she respects) she fantasizes me to be. The closet, like every other closet in this house, is filled with her clothes. It doesn't take much for me to remember that she is, after all, totally out of her mind.

Geisha.... whatever.

Leave it to Hollywood to cast mostly Chinese actors in a film that takes place in Japan. I have not seen this film yet - just watched the preview and I'm bracing myself...anyone who's sitting next to me (I pity them) will probably be the recipient of unsolicited and gratuitous comments like "I can't believe they did that..." Given my background, I am unfailingly critical of anyone's attempt to depict and dramatize Japanese culture. This movie is just begging to be ripped apart. It looks like fish in a barrel to me!

food, glorious food. . .

This is why I keep coming back. It's supposedly 'udon,' although the flat, dumpling-like noodles remind me of kishimen in Nagoya. The broth is miso-based, and the soup is chock full of chicken, tofu and chunky vegetables. It was the perfect thing to recover from running around in the rain. We're in Gunma prefecture here, by the way. Almost worth a trip back just for the noodles...

GUNMA!

This is 宝川温泉 - for those of you who don't read Japanese, "TAH-KAH-RA-GA-WA ON-SEN." This was by far my favorite hot spring in the area, hands down. The setting is beautiful, and the leaves were just about at their peak of color. Unfortunately it was rather difficult to just kick back and relax - I was the only foreigner wandering through the mixed-bathing areas, unable to keep from checking out fellow bathers. It's simply because I couldn't wrap my head around the idea that such a structured, regimented culture still allows mixed bathing! It's great, but part of me felt like I was in the Twilight Zone - this is not the Japan that I know! Incidentally, I totally chickened out of going to any of the mixed areas - it would have been easier with a studly male by my side, since none of the women (a-ha!) were by themselves. It's a great area for young couples to go who want to enjoy the experience together, in fact it's perfect. My visit made me realize that I will have to take a very tactful approach towards marketing an Onsen Tour, and for setting my clients' expectations...moreover, I have a feeling that it would be best to split the group up and go to different onsen, so as to not freak out fellow bathers with a gaijin invasion!

Mello Kitty

I swear, I thought I was buying a cute little Hello Kitty t-shirt!!

successful tour

This is Harumi, Donna and Shel - Harumi is an incredible guide from Kyoto,
and Shel and Donna were my clients on a Private Tour of Japan. It was
very successful. I will post more pics and stories, but first must rest
very jet-lagged and tired.

Monja Monja!

This is NOT okonomiyaki, by any stretch of the imagination - monja takes quite a bit
more finesse to make. You first dump out the meat & veggies and let
them cook for about a minute - then make a ring on the grill.
Pour about one-third of the batter into the middle. Let that cook. Make the
circle wider, add more batter. Keep cookin'. One more round, add all the batter,
and scrape the underside so the 'koge' (charred stuff) doesn't get too black and
bitter-tasting.

Mix all together at the end & eat right off the grill - yum, yum. And YES,
you can be from Osaka and STILL appreciate monja. Although Osaka's okonomiyaki still
rules. ;-)

big in japan